Unwrapping Narcissistic Gift Giving

Americans spend billions of dollars each year on presents, but few studies have explored how gift giving is affected by personality traits. This holiday season, research by Professor of Marketing and Management Colleen Kirk, D.P.S., reveals the underlying gift-giving motives of people with narcissistic personalities. Spoiler alert: it’s all about them.

“We all know that self-important person. Now, my findings can help people in relationships with narcissists or those with narcissistic friends or family members understand the psychology behind these individuals’ gifting decisions,” says Kirk.

The study, published in the Journal of Personality and co-authored by researchers from the University of Southampton and West Virginia University, examines the gift-giving behaviors of two narcissistic personality types, which use different strategies for achieving the same goal: reminding others how great they are.

Often viewed as the lighter side of narcissism, the first type is driven by a strong need to be admired. Socially motivated, these people like to be the center of attention and act overly generous to demonstrate that they are the “best” partner, friend, or family member.  

The second type, regarded as the darker side of narcissism, makes others feel inferior. Driven by rivalry, these narcissists avoid being or feeling close to others and push people away. This is even shown in their approach to gifting.

The researchers found that narcissists driven by admiration are more likely to shower recipients with lots of gifts, commonly referred to as “love bombing.” However, these grand gestures are not meant to celebrate the recipient—they are intended to show how great the giver is.

Narcissists driven by rivalry are more likely to give a present to a distant acquaintance than their best friend, but not because they are afraid of giving their friend a bad gift. In fact, when presented with a wish list, ensuring their friend would like any item they selected, these narcissists still chose not to give a gift. This suggests that rivalrous types withhold presents to avoid unwanted feelings of intimacy. 

“If someone love bombs you with presents this holiday season, you may have a narcissist driven by admiration on your hands,” says Kirk. “But don’t hold your breath for any thoughtful or personalized gifts—after all, how can they show off if the gift is all about you? On the other hand, if your narcissistic friend is surprisingly generous with an acquaintance but less inclined to play Santa Claus with you, you might actually be closer than you think!”

Ultimately, how narcissists give presents is all about them, so Kirk advises not to take these behaviors to heart.

“Whether you receive lots of gifts or none at all, just know that it’s not a reflection of you. The narcissist wasn’t even thinking of you,” says Kirk.

Kirk’s research was featured on news stations across the country, including CW 39 in Houston, Texas; ABC and Fox affiliate WTVC NewsChannel 9 in Chattanooga, Tenn., and others.